Dan Silber

I have been thinking and reading about artificial intelligence a little bit lately and this has spawned some thoughts about why we only perceive some of our surroundings.

When a child is first born, it cannot make sense of the images it sees and hears.  It has no model of the world yet, and therefore sees only meaningless shapes.  Only after it has experiences can the child start to make a crude map of what these shapes represent.  A mother’s face might initially only be understood as food and safety.

As children have new experiences their mental model of the world quickly becomes more detailed.   After some time, the child starts to construct ideas of what to view as ’safe’ and what is unknown or could be a threat.

Eventually we grow into adults and have an extremely sophisticated models of perception.  We have a very complicated understanding of what is safe and what is a threat, what is out of the ordinary, and what parts of our environment could be useful. 

As an adult, we can walk by a tree and have a model of what to expect — there is very little chance of that tree attacking.  Nor is that tree likely to have $100 bills hidden away in the branches.  Trees are certainly useful and wonderful, but there is no signal to react (or sometimes even notice them) as we walk by.  We have walked past thousands of trees in our lifetime and usually have no trigger for concern. 

The same could be said about the leaves on the tree, but with even less trigger for concern, as there are so many more present.  It could take years just to look at and notice the differences between the leaves on a single tree.  Even if we try to perceive the individual leaves on the tree, it is extremely difficult because we have built a mental model that categorizes the individual leaves as being so similar that they are more or less interchangeable.

Alternatively, if there is an EXPLOSION nearby – we have no choice but to perceive it.  There is a very intense signal sent to the brain that this is something important and out of the ordinary.  Even if you wanted ignore it, there is almost no likelihood that you would succeed.  Your body has considered it a potential threat and will most likely flinch in reaction.  

This line of thought raises a few new issues for me.  For one - if we are a slave to our perceptions and predispositions, can we change our mental models?  If so, how difficult is that to accomplish?  Also, how does Art fit into this?  Art (by some definitions) has no practical quality, but can be extremely compelling. 

For those interested, the book that I was looking through is called ‘Society of Mind’ by Marvin Minsky.  I haven’t read the whole thing yet, but the chapters I’ve read have been extremely thought provoking.

But then someone comes along and says something attacking that is hypocritical/untrue/irrelevant. Or maybe you are chewed out for something that is beyond your control. It could even be a genuine accident on your part that was blown way out of proportion.

Often it comes from a loved one or someone you generally respect. You might have even been going out of your way to help that person, making the attack feel even more inappropriate.

And you feel your blood begin to boil at the injustice! You feel an instant need to set them straight and clear your maligned name.

Hold on there, partner. There are a couple ways this could go:
1. You could ‘set them straight’ and defend your position. Or
2. You could ‘accept’ the barrage of negativity without taking a position.

Let’s consider the two options.

Scenario Number 1 – You point out the flaws in the other person’s argument. You masterfully argue your side logically and mask your inner rage (with great effort).

For some reason, the other person only becomes more unreasonable. Now they are bringing up issues from the past that aren’t directly relevant to the current situation. They are citing times where you did the exact same thing. What a shit storm!

You can’t understand why the other person is fighting you so hard. You wish you had a microphone to record the conversation so that you could share it with the other person when they are feeling more rational.

Eventually, the discussion/argument is discontinued without resolve. You just barely escape – but you still feel resentful. Neither party has gotten resolution from the ‘discussion’.

Sometimes the other person apologizes for the actions. Sometimes not.

And if the other person doesn’t see your side of the argument, you never fully forgive them because in your heart you know that you were right.

With time, the bad feelings fade and life goes more or less back to normal but your connection with this person has been weakened.

Scenario Number 2 – **You sit and listen while the other person attacks. Instead of using you masterful understanding of logic to contradict the other person, you focus that logic silently on figuring out why this person is attacking you.

You are already secure in the fact that you did nothing wrong. You don’t need to prove that to anyone else. So you listen. And ask questions. And an interesting thing happens.

After a bit of time, the two of you realize that the REASON for the attack has nothing to do with CONTENT of the attack. Even though you were chastised for something unfairly, it will eventually come out that there is an underlying issue.

Again you choke back the urge to point your finger at them screaming “See! See! Don’t you see how UNFAIR you were being!” – because you know that this would start another wave of attacks, citing times where you did the exact same thing, etc….

You find out that the person has some big issue that is clouding their judgment. You realize that whatever insignificant thing that you did was only a catalyst that opened the door to their deeper feelings. Usually it has something to do with feelings of fear on some level.

By not engaging in the argument, you have shown that you will not judge their feelings. You have indirectly made the environment ’safe’ for talking about the deeper feelings of fear.

You realize that you no longer feel the need to be right. You understand their feelings and why your insignificant action ignited such a strong reaction. You still feel that their reaction was unfair and out of place, but you forgive them.

You forgive them because you understand why it happened (whether justified or not). You forgive them because they have gotten their temper out of control and you want to enjoy their company once again. But most of all you forgive them so that YOU can move on - so that you don’t have to carry around resentment.

It is unfair. But this is an important component to maintaining happiness.

Why do we always feel such a compulsion to be right?

**Note – I know that some feel that this would be ‘backing down’ or ‘being weak’. The truth is that it takes a tremendous amount of strength not to engage when someone is egging you on. It’s easy to indulge in your negative emotions. Keeping positive throughout someone else’s negativity is way harder.

We identify with a state of being that is tangible and stable, but that is not entirely so. Our size and shape changes constantly. We perceive ourselves as solid – we are and we are not. When we touch something solid, we stop. But we have many cavities throughout our body. The pocket inside our mouths. The passage to and inside of our lungs. One could also argue that there is the space between the atoms. That being said, these cavities are efficient beyond anything made by humans. When we close our mouth, the tongue and teeth and jaw and roof of the mouth contract into a perfect tightness. Our bladders expand and contract depending on the liquid they hold.

Our bodies change frequently – changing temperature with sickness. Gaining mass with food consumption and loosing mass when we excrete. We shed skin cells and hair. In my case lots of hair. Our hair and fingernails grow. Our skin changes color when we bruise or burn. In our younger years our size changes dramatically in short periods of time. Through childbirth, a woman’s internal organs will change location. We get wrinkles with old age.

And oddly, we usually use this constantly changing vessel as the basis of our identity. We look in the mirror and obsess over the color of our hair or the shape of our nose. We forget that this body is just the container for our consciousness. We think about the color of our eyes more often than we consider their role in visual perception.

So if our bodies are only the exterior shell for our true being, what are we? What is the deeper meaning of being human?

I have more ideas to jot down on this subject, but must end this article now because I’ve needed to use the restroom since writing the part that says “Our bladders expand and contract depending on the liquid they hold.”

How much control do we have over our emotions?

Not so much how you express you emotions outwardly, which we usually have a fair amount of conscious control over – but what control do we have over the emotions themselves?

So you feel blue. How long do you sit with it before you do something to actively make yourself feel better? Does a bowl of ice cream lift your spirits? A beer? A video game to take your mind off of things? We usually do something to cheer ourselves up, whether healthy or not…

And then does taking your mind off of the problem count?

Yup. I think so. We have actively guided our emotions to a more positive state. We still may have to deal with whatever is at the root of the problem (whatever was the catalyst for the bad mood), but the root cause is DIFFERENT than the emotion.

• Example: I feel sad because my boss said that I am a no-talent hack and that they would rather look at their own feces than my artwork.
• I then cheer myself up by playing a Resident Evil video game and shooting zombies for 4 hours. Then, once I am calmed down - I think of ways to improve my performance at work so that my art isn’t equated with a fat steaming turd. I have disengaged my emotions enough to find a solution to the issue that was the catalyst for the bad mood.

Okay. Fine. With some comfort food (or zombies in my case), we can curtail those lousy feelings and fix the problem. Is that the full extent of our control?

How about preventative measures that we can take before the catalyst? Are there things we can do to avoid whatever triggered those lousy feelings? Perhaps we can take steps to avoid the things that actively cause problems.

Going back to the poop example, I could take preventative measures before talking to my boss:

1. Prepare myself that my feedback could be positive or negative. I know from experience that my boss is a raving lunatic*, so I will be ready to hear anything on the spectrum. That may involve preemptively killing a zombie, or drinking a shot of rum. Whatever.
2. Because the boss is nuttier than a squirrel*, I could find a sane 3rd party to convey the feedback to me. I’ll get the proper feedback, but without the unpredictable and unproductive ranting.
3. I could find out what the boss’s taste preferences are before I do my tasks. This little technique can save dozens of hours (or days) of work. Taking extra time to ask questions and make clarifications before you do the actual work is really, really worthwhile.
4. Of course, I can try my best to do such a good job that my work is not compared to human dookie.

These would help to avoid the situation altogether, thus avoiding the negative feelings that come as a result. Especially #3.

Cool. So we can try our best to avoid the situation that causes the bad feelings. IF THAT doesn’t work, we can use our various vices to curtail our lousy mood as best as we can.

Is there anything else? Would it be possible to have the negative situation come about without triggering the bad feelings? Would it be possible for my artwork to be compared to poop while keeping a good mood? Just because there is a real world catalyst, does not mean that your mood HAS to change for the worst. Does it?

I know for me, there are times that where I am more susceptible to being triggered into a negative emotional space. Sometimes even a small request feels like an accusation. Other times, no matter how bad the circumstance, I just keep smiling. I have been working on this, and lately I have found myself keeping a pretty positive attitude - most of the time**. And I have some ideas on how to keep positive emotionally even THROUGH those unfortunate real world events. Here are my recommendations:

1. Take care of your physical needs. This means getting enough sleep (whatever “enough” means to you). Eat regularly so that you don’t get low blood sugar. Don’t eat so much that you feel yucky. Drink enough water so that you are properly hydrated. Get some exercise. Your body affects your mood.
2. Cut yourself some slack. Everyone makes mistakes. You screwed up? It happens. Unfortunately, we tend to be harsh on ourselves when we realized we have screwed up, and that makes the situation drag out longer than it needs to. Forgive yourself and learn how to avoid
3. Prioritize your life. What is important to you? You can use time to help measure this - Will it matter two years from now whether you forgot to do the dishes? What about if you missed an episode of your favorite program? You probably won’t remember. What about if you used that same time to pursue your passions – would your life be different several years down the road?
4. PRACTICE. Practice being positive. Practice focusing on all the good things around you. Practice noticing the things that you are grateful for. Try separating your emotions from the difficult situations. Just because you are broke doesn’t mean that you are necessarily miserable. Just because your boss called your work crap doesn’t mean that you have to feel bad about it. That does not mean ignore the circumstance. If fact, often our negativity around a difficult obstacle will keep us from overcoming it.

   So we have some degree of control over our emotions – although it is probably different for each person. We can avoid and/or prepare for difficult circumstances. We can practice staying positive through adversity. We can cheer ourselves up with ice cream if need be. Still, sometimes our emotions overpower our senses. Weird.

   I was thinking that this was going to be a tiny little note of something that I was thinking about, but it got a bit bigger. Weird.

   * Just wanted to point out that in real life that all of my bosses at my current job are the best that I’ve ever had – hardworking, appreciative, and good humored people. I’ve worked with some really nutty folks over time, though. One guy had me carry around a stopwatch to time how long it took to complete daily tasks.

   **Although the last couple weeks I have been trying to wean myself off of coffee and have had my mood crashing down a lot. I am sacrificing some of my physical needs in the meantime for a better physical situation in the future.